There is an undercurrent of hostility toward women and families by men within the Fundamental Baptist movement.Blaming the victim for their own lack of control is a sick and twisted type of thinking. When you encounter victim-blaming, especially in ultra-patriarchial church 'families', it is common to hear phrases such as, " She had a Jezebel spirit. Women like that come in to church, indecently dressed and so she has to expect what's coming to her!" There is nothing remotely Christian about this!
Words can cut an already victimized woman down to the bone and I would add, the same is true for spiritual abuses. When one's nerves are already raw and you start the process of grieving for your dignity, being called a Jezebel or being ostracized from those you may have thought of as family, is a painful blow.I remember well, times when a single woman would come to church to see if the congregation was accepting of her. The first thing everybody would do is to look at her outward appearance, yet the scriptures distinctly speak against judging a book by it's cover:
And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the LORD'S anointed is before him. But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
(1 Samuel 16:6-7)
The next thing that is analyzed is whether or not this woman is divorced, widowed or simply single. If she is divorced, she is then branded a 'troublemaker.' In our little cult, divorce was always the woman's fault. If she was abused by her husband, she was probably deserving of it. If she cheated, God might forgive her but the congregation would not. If her husband left her, it was probably because she was a rebellious harpy!
Being a widow was fine, especially if the woman was elderly, however, if she was a younger woman, you had to prove yourself as a Christian. If you are a 'husband-hunter' you had better line up to the Pastor's theology or at the very least be open to all his teachings. If you did not, the single men of the church who may have an interest in the younger widow would be cautioned not to get too close to her. After all, she could drag you away from God's teachings and make you reprobate.
Last but not least, a single, single woman , unless she was elderly, was always troublesome. She wasn't 'covered' by any man. She was like a loose cannon and who knows if someone's husband or son was going to get hit? If she dressed inappropriately (which in Fundy world could mean showing her knees or wearing something a bit tight) the Pastor might actually call upon one of the church matrons to speak with her about the meaning of modesty.
Fundamentalism in these Baptist cults have no care or concern for the feelings of most women. I hate to clump all Fundy men into that stereotype, however, it is fair to state that the doctrine that is taught, in and of itself tends toward that end. Fundy doctrine does a great job in building men's self-esteem yet when it comes to the nurturing and care of the female congregants, the Bible goes out the window and the doctrine of propping up the male ego holds sway. Women are subservient and do not hold equal status with their partners nor with the pastors.
On the subject of male domination within the churches and the standard of ethics in relationship to women in their congregations, Rev. Pamela Cooper White writes of her observations within the ministry. It is definetly worth the read.
Most women by and large, who come from backgrounds such as mine, find it extremely hard to find their footing. We have been programmed toward victimization and re-programming can be the hardest task to overcome. We are taught to ask and never to demand. We are told to be silenced and emotionally subjugated. The most heinous crime committed, is the psychological and many times, physical, beating down of the spirit. We become numbed and depressed.
For victim-blaming to go on and then for those who have perpetrated the damage to mock at those women or families hurt by them - is a cold and calculated crime. Turning from a victim to a survivor is no easy task, especially when so many refuse to understand.
Everytime I go into town to do my grocery shopping, I will see at least one woman with a line of children following behind, who is dressed 'modestly'-(skirt down past knees, sleeves that are either long or at least half-way down the arm, no make-up and the hair is usually long, pinned in a bun or pulled back.) These are the women who remind me of my 'Fundy' days.
I'd like to share a poem I wrote. It was published in our college literart/art magazine. It explains some of the changes I had been going through in the past. Though my 'old life' been left behind...It sometimes haunts me...I need to write it out and let it go...
We who have been abused, whether it has been through emotional,physical or spiritual abuse have a rare gift that has been given to us in our recovery-INSIGHT!
