Being True To Yourself vs. Fundy Group-Think

 Everytime I go into town to do my grocery shopping, I will see at least one woman with a line of children following behind, who is dressed 'modestly'-(skirt down past knees, sleeves that are either long or at least half-way down the arm, no make-up and the hair is usually long, pinned in a bun or pulled back.)  These are the women who remind me of my 'Fundy' days.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not against people dressing according to their own conscience, as long as it is THEIR conscience and not part of a mysoginistic mind set. All too often though, women who have found their faith in the fundamentalist movement , whether it be Hasidism, Baptist, Pentecostal, LDS or Jehovah Witness - apply their religious leader's ideas of what a godly woman should look like instead of dressing how they feel comfortable.

When I had my conversion experience (which I believe WAS real,) I was trying to emulate the ladies in church. They were so warm and kind toward me, yet I always felt like I was being 'shaped' to be what they regarded as modest. The same went for the men of the church, especially of course, my ex.

When he became a pastor, he really began to apply the thumbscrews to my girls and I . He wouldn't even give the girls money to buy their own clothes unless he could come along to monitor what they were buying!
This behavior would get worse and worse the more years he spent in the church. It was especially bad when visiting pastors or missionaries would come around with their 'godly' wives and kids. We were all put under a great deal pressure so as not to embarrass him.

I look back on those years now and realize how controlled I was. My whole aim in life was not to follow my own conscience but to follow my ex's orders. Our job as women was to play along for the good of the body of Christ.That meant to be a submissive wife in all things and to keep those kids in line the same way.

As some of my olders girls matured, this only led to a double life. They would bring jeans on their outings with their friends and change the moment they were away from the house. Their father, when finding evidence of dress code violations, would berate them and call them 'dykes' and other such names.

Baptist Fundamentalism is an ugly lifestyle. Women are objectified the same as women who undress for the purpose of getting a man's attention. You are not judged by your intelligence, your inner beauty or your talents. It becomes all about how you look. You are either submissive and therefore godly in your dress and behavior...or you are in rebellion and need to be shunned for the purpose of bringing you back under your husband's thumb.

The following verses fly in the face of mysoginistic preaching:

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 

(1 Samuel 16:7)

Do ye look on things after the outward appearance? If any man trust to himself that he is Christ's, let him of himself think this again, that, as he is Christ's, even so are we Christ's. 

(2 Corinthians 10:7)

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. 

(Galatians 3:28)

Below are the verses that Fundy men adhere to as their control verses for women:

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

(1 Timothy 2:9-10)

  (NOT with long dresses and buns)

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 

(1 Timothy 2:11-12)

Oh how the Fundy's LOVE these verses! They don't even take into account the historical background of these scriptures. New Gentile converts came out of Paganism, worshipping of idols, gods and godesses. Christianity is monotheistic and yes, a man who is to follow Christ is to do AS CHRIST WOULD DO. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

 I don't remember Jesus telling the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery to go home and change her clothes and wipe the paint off of her face. He said "Go and sin no more."

Timothy was charged to plant churches and teach what would become the structure of these gatherings. Remember that Christians want to reflect order, love, compassion and faith. In those early church days, there were so many diverse religions where confusion ruled. It was Timothy's job to try and guide men and women to an orderly path. 

If we start judging a man or woman by their outward appearance, we are anything but Christ-like. As a Christian woman, I have had to step back and try to 'detangle' Fundy lore from Biblical church. I'm still a work in progress. I do not profess to hold all keys of knowledge-but I do know that I love my Lord and He loves me....and he still loves me when I wear pants or if I'm laying in bed in my birthday suit!