The Unbelievers

One of the most painful experiences to go through is the unbelief of others who did not actually witness your or your children's abuse and so doubt the victims' story.  These are the ones who are so loyal to the abuser that it seems unfathomable to them that something like sexual abuse of a child could ever be true. 

I've been on either end of the spectrum. When I first heard about my ex-husband's sexual abuses, I was shocked. Sure, I knew he was emotionally abusive. I knew he was neglectful. The sexual abuse against a child(ren) well, how did I not see it?

Most victims will fall into the blame game. They will blame themselves for somehow causing the abuse and then feel awful when and if the abuser is caught or makes him/herself scarce after being scrutinized. It's all part of that guilt that the abuser oppresses you with.

The other problem lies in the community that the victim once embraced . In my case, everyone heard about the unfaithful wife (me) but no one really believed my ex-husband had pedophilic tendencies. Of course he 'shared' his sadness with anyone that would listen, especially his followers, about what a horrible thing I had done, yet he made sure to cover his own tracks well.

So, what occurs at that point, is that the church members you want to grieve with, the people that you used to fellowship with, even some of your family members....put you on the blacklist.
Even if you have no trouble losing that support system (which, by the way, was a phony one to begin with, true friends stick with you!) your children who have been abused, now have to experience what it feels like to be rejected by a community that they once held dear.
 People may whisper about your 'situation' or you and your children are looked at with strange curiosity. 

When the illusion of a 'godly' family is stripped away and everyone who knew your family knows all about the untruths and sensitive issues that were laid bare by the fleeing narcissist who abused you, you can choose to run and hide or live through it, let it go and start fresh.

After getting over the feelings of violation, disrespect and fearfulness of the unknown....I started getting angry-which helped me get over some of the aforementioned emotions. I turned that anger into action . I would journal, draw, whatever it took to get the toxins out. My kids, at  least the younger ones, got counseling and were taught they didn't have to fear anymore. They were now safe . 

We still struggle with memories and past hurts but there is no hiding anymore. You take the fear and shine a bright light on it until it flees.