Living A Lie

 

I had an interesting conversation with my daughter the other day. She had called her grandmother (paternal side) to find out how she was doing after a medical procedure. While my daughter was talking to her, my ex-sister-in-law took the phone from her mother and asked if my daughter wanted to talk to 'Daddy'...this is the same daddy that molested my daughter when she was only 8 or 9. My daughter was puzzled as she knows that the molester is to have NO CONTACT at all with the minor children. She knew that someone could get into trouble so she said no and the ex's sister questioned her as to why. Well, my daughter, who is only 13, thought it best not to discuss the incident of sexual abuse with her, so she just told her that since her parents were divorced, it might be better if she didn't and that was the end of that.

I surmised that, since I am not on speaking terms with my ex's family, he probably never divulged to them what really happened ...of course,that is understandable. He was the apple of his momma's eye.

 After my daughter told me about the conversation, I started feeling frustrated. I WANTED his family to know the truth. Just sitting here writing to all of you right now, makes me angry about him. I want the truth out and I want him to know it's out AND I want to be believed! I have to keep reminding myself, God knows what he's done. I need to just move on. Yet it's SO difficult! God help me.

I don't know why I didn't see the red flags ....those signs that the father of my children, the man I had been married to was and is, a liar. He was known for his exaggerations. Well, maybe most people didn't realize it at the time but we did. The kids and I. He was also dishonest in many other ways. He would lie to people about doing something...like sending them money toward a debt he owed....but he never would. He was the most likely to go back on his promises. He wouldn't pay people, he would take and not return items, money....a lot of different things. Someone like my ex, who is a repeat offender becomes known for his character flaws yet when he went behind the pulpit and preached or cried, people would be charmed by him and forget his slights.

I'd like to be able to regurgitate all the poison inside of me. I'm often worried that my life with the cult-leader will always be etched into my brain.I pray that at some point, I can step away from all the bad memories and the anger. It reeks to me of  of rottenness...like the smell of road kill as you are driving nearby. It wafts by every now and then, corrupting the senses as it goes.

I hope and pray I can stop inhaling it's odor. 

Research....You Might Protect A Life

Profiling the Molester


Signs of Sexual Abuse


I Found This Information To Be Quite Interesting


Myths Vs. Facts


Promise Not To Tell-video

Get Help...Do Not Be Silent.

Christian Men Everywhere Should Read This

Christian Woman Haters


Church Exiters
                                                                                       

Renewal


For the Least Of These


Church Mafia


Elizabeth Esther

Stepford Wife Syndrome

I found a blog today written by a man who extraordinarily enough understood what some abusive churches do to the women in their congregation. It's a good article, please share it:

The Effects Of Spiritual Abuse On Women


Paula Hyles...Maybe 'old news' But Still Relative To The Mess In These Baptist Cults
Part II

David Hyles and family

     In my life, it was much the same...I was an accessory. The difference between myself and the Stepford's of the IFB was this: I wasn't raised within the IFB culture. For 26 years of my life, I wasn't taught what I had to believe except that my parents called our family 'Christian.' It was a facade though. Going to church was a holiday event mostly. There was no teaching going on so aside from agreeing that I believed in God, I really had no settled idea of what that was supposed to mean. I went into the whole IFB cultic view with eyes wide open and my mind was hungrily gobbling everything my pastor thought and taught. I had nothing to compare my teachings with, I believed!

Our pastor was not a megalomaniac as my ex-husband later became. He was basically a shy man but knew his Bible well and taught the IFB doctrines impressively. We didn't have a problem between wearing dresses or pants, it wasn't a big deal. I could still wear my Sunday best at church and not be criticized for jeans any other time.

It wasn't until a few years had passed and Mike was pastoring his own congregants that things got crazier and crazier. The rules would change every other week. Hair had to be long on women, short on men, no shorts on either sex ever, no pants on women, men had to dress conservatively, no jewelry on the guys. Later it evolved into not eating pork or shellfish, no work on Sunday and no going out until Sunday service was over.

Mike had developed a following....(I think he wanted to be as popular as Hyles) so he would mingle and sit with others after church during fellowship....I was alone feeling insignificant.I became disillusioned. There were a lot of single, divorced men in our congregation, Some were sex offenders or were living double lives. Those that were married had very one-sided relationships . Women were there to serve, whether it was sex or food it didn't matter. IFB wives were simply accessories to make the IFB husbands look good.  We were the faces of the family unit. It's a sick, twisted view of a godly relationship that was to be equal in love and repect toward each other. Somehow, it all became a lie!