Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Saville And Many Others Were Engaged In A Sick Sex Club Using Children As Young As Eight
Margaret Thatcher and Jimmie Saville
Margaret Thatcher and Jimmie Saville
Monday, July 22, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Resist The Devil And He Will Flee...
Molesting children is a sick practice that has nothing to do with whether or not I was a good wife. It had nothing to do with my past relationship to my present husband. Anyone that thinks that needs to have their own head examined!
There was, according to his own testimony, pornography around him as he was growing up, coupled with parents who didn't get along and a long history of unfaithfulness and alcoholism within the family. Something happened that twisted him enough that he acted out on these sick impulses toward his own kids. Unfortunately, I didn't see the signs.
(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
(Ephesians 5:9-12)
One of my daughters said to me the other day, "There isn't a day that I don't think about how abusive he (Slattery) could be." I know....me too. However it is getting easier for me to pass those hurdles. I have learned a lot about child molesters. I have learned to tell the difference between what is 'normal' and what is not. You see, with my background, it was truly hard for me to see those boundaries. I have to remember that and be glad for the progress I've made.
But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
(Ephesians 5:13-16)
The Bible has a verse that reminds me not to fear these pedophile devils, who have hearts filled with lust for a child,: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
(James 4:7)
That is what I aim to do.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
An Open Letter To Parents With Sexually Abused Children
Dear Parents,
I do not claim expertise on the subject of dealing with children who have been abused sexually, spiritually or emotionally. I would like to share with you my experiences in hope that it will help somehow in your situation. There are several things that seem to be key in helping a child to get on with their lives after trauma:
- It is of the utmost importance that you be PATIENT with your child. It may be that your son or daughter are simply not ready to disclose everything that happened right away. Give them time. This is especially true if the kids are older or were molested a long time ago and are just beginning to open up.
- Be the someone that your kids can trust. Don't spread what they disclose to just anybody without talking to the injured party. Someone mentioned our incident to a staff member of a local restaraunt who had the audacity to walk up to my kids in the middle of ordering and ask them about their dad!
- Realize that there is usually shame and a sense of false guilt involved with a child who has been abused. It's important to let them know, even if it's a million times over, they were not at fault. Responsibility should always rest on the shoulders of the adult offender.
- Let your child grieve. Sometimes the best way to heal is to cry. Tears can be of benefit but tears can also mean depression and suicidal thoughts. Be there to soothe your child and make them feel loved and safe. NEVER IGNORE THEM WHILE THEY ARE GRIEVING. Sit with them, give them a hug but don't rush them. The worst that anyone can say in this situation is, "Stop crying! Get over it!"
- Find help for the child and yourself. Abuse is a hard problem to deal with even if the abuser is long gone. It's good to have someone outside of the situation counsel your child and it's important to allow yourself to get help as well. Parenting a hurting child can be very stressful.
- The last point I would like to make is-don't be judgemental! Allow dialogue to flow when your child is ready. Listen but don't interrupt. No matter how disgusted or upset you get at what your child confides in you, show them you are accepting of them as they are and will love them no matter what.
Pray for yourself, your child and even the offender-let God show you the way of truth, light and mercy. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing is too hard.
Show your child the unlimited love God has for His own by being a channel for that same love and kindness.
Yelena
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Turn Fear To Anger...Then Let It Go
Fear was thinking I was going to die while I lay in the back of a van being repeatedly raped.
Fear was thinking I might not see my children with me ever again.
Fear was thinking I might lose my soul-mate because my life was too crazy, chaotic....I was in fear continually!
To my older daughters, fear is thinking they may have to deal with their father once again.
That he might get them alone.
That he might decide to come in to the restaraunt in which my daughter works in, have a seat and buy a meal and stare at her while she is working.
It was surprising to me that my children exchanged their bewilderment about their father to fear.
Being fearful to the point of emotional bondage serves
no purpose...
I learned a lesson and I have put it into practice:
FEAR is a waste...
It stunts growth...
It kills the spirit..
It bathes you in paranoia until you shrivel up and disappear.
Take that fear and turn it into ANGER!
Make it loud and long
Tear away at the fabric of fearfulness and allow yourself to replace it with a healthy dose of anger;
for the child within you that has been frightened, needs you to chase the shadows away.
To the pedophile, the abuser, you are just another dependent child.
That is how he gets you, alone and tired...
Worn down and threatened by his lies.
Show no fear
only rage at the vileness of his or her actions
and EXPOSE him .
Let the world know about the animal that he truly is.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Being 'Mental'...Part Of Faulty Chemistry Or Are The IFB Correct?
,
If you were to look at several photographs from my childhood, you would sometimes see a girl with a face that reflects dark emotions: a mix of sadness, flatness, empty of spirit and purpose.
If you were to look at several photographs from my childhood, you would sometimes see a girl with a face that reflects dark emotions: a mix of sadness, flatness, empty of spirit and purpose.
I've had several counselors, psychologists and doctors, ask me when did I first feel depressed? I tell them that I cannot ever remember feeling not depressed. I suppose there were times of happiness, I'm sure there were but the feelings of depression were always close by.
The research seems to point to chemical imbalances within the brain. Sometimes these are triggered by a trauma but in my case, I think it's been hereditarily passed on. I may have mentioned how my mother was suffering from mental illness. A lot of it worsened with her oncoming dementia which overtook her in her elderly years but before that, when I was very young, I remember her acting erratically, paranoid and I sensed that there was something 'off.'
My father, I am sure had some sort of anxiety disorder. He was constantly uneasy, on edge, abusive and controlling. His mother, the only grandmother I ever knew, was suspicious and irritable yet she didn't seem to have the same percentage of angst.
They say children learn what they live. It's absolutely true. I am sure that I felt much negativity due to the atmosphere at home. If that is how I grew up, it stands to reason that my moods would be negative. My dependency on people (a learned behavior-my mother was terribly over-protective)and feeling stigmatized by the 'normal' people outside of my family taught me to withdraw into a shell.
I still prefer the shell. I am able though, to put on my sociable self and mix when needed, however that is not something I usually choose to do. Invite me over your friends' house and I will have anxiety attacks until the visit is over.
Why bring all this up? Because so many of us in my family have real stability problems. Some, I know is learned, traumatic ...yet, some must be inherited.
When I was part of the IFB cult, I was taught that mental illness is always caused by:
- Sin in my life, or
- The Devil
Now, I have to say that after my second marriage, when I was first converted, I was quite happy. I had a peace about me that could only have come from knowing my burdens were carried by Jesus and He blessed me in many ways.
The problems arose later when I realized that there was a strong faction of men within the church who were involved in less than godly behavior. That was years after my conversion, as I matured in my faith. I believe when you grow in faith, God opens your eyes a little more to strengthen you . The more trouble I experienced, the closer I clung to His word.
When my ex-husband became a pastor and then began to little-by-little become a controlling deviant, there was no doubt, I swallowed much of my sensibility. I became an automaton. A praying, obedient-to-my husband, automaton .
Eventually, the old shadow of depression came back over me. I kept begging God to show me what to do. To make my husband more attentive. To help us with our home. The crying continued secretly, for years. I knew that if I thought there was something wrong with my mind or that I blamed my then husband, I would be accused of being unfaithful to the Lord or possibly demonically possessed. So, I blamed myself. I kept my feelings repressed...hidden-and waited.
One of the things I had to come to an understanding of in my process of recovery, was the knowledge that God was forcing me unto another path. I wasn't supposed to be boxed-up in some megalomaniac's dream. I was supposed to follow a simple plan. It had nothing to do with control or a man's power over me. It had to do with breaking free, acceptance and the love and understanding of a good man .
Depression is still in the shadows. My life is far better now then how it was just a few years ago. Sanity, I found, is an understanding of insanity. The knowledge that sometimes, the Lord gives us a heaviness in our heart that will always haunt...always crouch in the dark. Acknowledging that I have a 'mental' problem has helped me to deal with resources for recovery. Counseling and medication, education...yes, and prayer! I see these now as helpful ways to heal that God has made available to me.
It's no wonder that there are so many sick-minded people filling the pews in IFB churches. God is trying to show freedom and yet, those involved in IFB thinking are full of imprisonment. If you weren't sick when you joined up, you would be in time.
Now that I understand that the way I am is not a lack of godliness or some demonic scam to control me, I can recognize that I am a fallible human being. A woman who is able to see my past as a series of misunderstandings, mistakes and vulnerabilities but is learning to forgive herself as God has forgiven me. The trauma I have felt, the pain I still deal with at times are all part of who I am. It is also what keeps me close to my Lord.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Memories Triggered About Homeschool
I want to take a moment and say for the record that I am not against homeschool. I think if a parent feels they can do the job and the child is progressing, then everybody is happy. It is when a parent is put under much pressure to do the job by her church, her husband and the 'Christian homeschool community' that it becomes a prescription for disaster.
I've been reading a book recommended by an online friend called 'I Fired God.' by Jocelyn R. Zichterman.
It's an interesting account of a woman who grows up in an IFB home and marries an IFB educator.
I'm not done with the book yet. My time is limited....BUT, I can certainly say that her accounts of abuses, people whose philosophy she followed and types of extremes she lived under, are all things I can relate to a great deal.
I just finished the chapter about her homeschooling with her children. The books she ordered and the curriculum she used was ALOT like what I tried with my children. Her story made me remember how inept I had felt, how I started making excuses about why my kids were having difficulties and the lies that caused resentment toward my ex-husband.
I was thrown in to the homeschool world in the late 1980's. My older daughter was pulled out of middle school when there was some question about what she was being taught in a family living class. Just like that, one day, after school had dismissed for the summer, I was told by my then husband that I HAD to pull her out of school so she would not be corrupted by the world. Eventually, her younger sister would also become a homeschooled child.
I was in a state of panic but my several years of IFB training taught me not to argue but to submit totally to my husband's wishes. After much prayer I started to look into curriculums. I threw together what I could and at the time, Mike did help (if you want to call it that) by forcing them to listen to his loooong, drawn out lectures Eventually, the teaching became my job...my sole job.
As the additional children came along, the homeschooling expanded. I became a bit more knowlegable of how education at home-the IFB way- was to happen. I pored over workbooks and old textbooks that would employ the least modern way to learn. I went from catalogue to book sales and even tried some outside resources.
My oldest, Missy, had the opportunity to graduate out of a Christian high school and move on to art school . However, the challenge was just beginning for the rest of them. I was reminded again and again that homeschool was the only way I could really be right with God, from the pulpit and at home. At this point, I surrendered willingly to the idea that I would always have to do this and so I tried hard to make the most of it.
I had two things going against me in this never-ending project: my now ex-husband Mike and my inability to get past the burn-out I was feeling. I would very often have all the children seated after breakfast, we'd start our lesson,s then Mike would come in and start pulling kids from the table to help him work. My son and his younger sister seemed to be the ones who were pulled day after day. When I protested, Mike would tell me to pack up their schoolwork for them and he would oversee their studies in-between landscaping. THAT never happened.
My children began to officially struggle and I felt helpless and trapped in a no-win cycle. I began to dread homeschooling my children. I knew it would take increasing amounts of the energy I lacked. I wanted to hide and not feel guilty about it.
That is one of the most anguishing feelings I had. I knew I was failing the whole teaching thing yet my depression began to keep me from functioning. It was hard to keep the house clean and orderly. The kids weren't learning much and when we were public, Mike would take credit for what little they did know.
Looking back now I think maybe that was the moment of awakening...hearing him tell people how great we were doing and how we successfully homeschooled all our children. What a lie!
The guilt I carry for somehow opening the door to this type of life is something that haunts me. I know that I was programmed by the church and by my ex-husband. I know I began to shut down emotionally. I felt used and I was depressed. My children and I have paid dearly . I know I should be angry...There is a part of me that seethes deep down but at present I am at a loss to reach down and pull it forth.
I am eternally grateful though that that part of my life is over. I strive to put it behind me but it isn't easy.
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