An Open Letter To Parents With Sexually Abused Children

Dear Parents,

I do not claim expertise on the subject of dealing with children who have been abused sexually, spiritually or emotionally. I would like to share with you my experiences in hope that it will help somehow in your situation.  There are several things that seem to be key in helping a child to get on with their lives after trauma:

1. It is of the utmost importance that you be PATIENT with your child. It may be that your son or daughter are simply not ready to disclose everything that happened right away. Give them time. This is especially true if the kids are older or were molested a long time ago and are just beginning to open up.
2. Be the someone that your kids can trust. Don't spread what they disclose to just anybody without talking to the injured party. Someone mentioned our incident to a staff member of a local restaraunt who had the audacity to walk up to my kids in the middle of ordering and ask them about their dad!
3. Realize that there is usually shame and a sense of false guilt involved with a child who has been abused. It's important to let them know, even if it's a million times over, they were not at fault. Responsibility should always rest on the shoulders of the adult offender.
4. Let your child grieve. Sometimes the best way to heal is to cry. Tears can be of benefit but tears can also mean depression and suicidal thoughts. Be there to soothe your child and make them feel loved and safe. NEVER IGNORE THEM WHILE THEY ARE GRIEVING. Sit with them, give them a hug but don't rush them. The worst that anyone can say in this situation is, "Stop crying! Get over it!"
5. Find help for the child and yourself. Abuse is a hard problem to deal with even if the abuser is long gone. It's good to have someone outside of the situation counsel your child and it's important to allow yourself to get help as well. Parenting a hurting child can be very stressful.
6. The last point I would like to make is-don't be judgemental! Allow dialogue to flow when your child is ready. Listen but don't interrupt. No matter how disgusted or upset you get at what your child confides in you, show them you are accepting of them as they are and will love them no matter what.

Pray for yourself, your child and even the offender-let God show you the way of truth, light and mercy. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing is too hard.

Show your child the unlimited love God has for His own by being a channel for that same love and kindness.

Yelena