Identifying Triggers

Anyone who has been treated for PTSD or anxiety disorders, knows that there is a triggering process that can at times be foreseen but yet at other times comes out of the blue.

I am still identifying those triggers within myself. Sometimes I have a pretty good grasp of what is happening, yet at times, my panic kicks in and I find it hard to fight off.

It's difficult to explain to others that have not experienced these feelings how they take over. Now that I m being treated for these disorders, I am dealing with them much better. It used to be that I would be triggered several times a day. Now, I might find myself reacting once or twice a month.

I have found that trying to identify what sets me off and trying hard to steer clear of those situations, helps an awful lot-however, one can not always tell when a particular issue may crop up. Sometimes it is not a situation at all but something that is said ... or a depiction of something on film and so on. 

One of my triggers is listening to street preaching. Another would be to listen to an IFB church service. The street preaching reminds me of some of the Fundy antics my ex-church would pull. I can understand preaching the Gospel...what I don't understand is the constant bashing of the lost. 

We had people in our group of street preachers who would go out of their way to put people down because they were lost and didn't agree with the preaching. The images and sounds of those voices being so arrogant and un-Christ like, is ingrained in my head. It truly left it's mark. I begin to fall into a rage and then get depressed and cry. I can't help it, I just shy away from that altogether: no videos, no recordings and certainly, no participation.

I wouldn't be able to sit through an IFB service today without feeling panicky. No doubt, the congregation would label me as demonically possessed. 

There are other triggers that have nothing to do with 'Church-ianity'. Some of them trigger memories of sexual abuse. It has made me very sensitive to certain issues and has at times made me quite paranoid-even with my husband who is very loving and patient.

When I feel a trigger affecting me, I try to get quiet and not react right away. I have learned that if I give it some time, once in a while, the feeling will go away on it's own. Distraction is great for this. I try very hard to think about something else. If I allow the 'madness' to take over, I can get lost in ruminating thoughts and become extremely un-nerved.

Other times, the only thing I can do is to ride out the wave. I allow myself to cry, I cry out to God and I sometimes have to write in order to expel the toxins in my head. I have the feeling that I am re-living the trauma and I get so bound up in the emotions that it may take quite a long time to get over it.

I know that with the right mix of counseling, medicinals and self-inventory, I have come a long way. 

Of course, my faith has always been there. Sometimes I may waiver a bit. I get dragged down by financial worries, illnesses and plain old life at times. I'm grateful that God is bigger than my weaknesses.