Living A Lie

 

I had an interesting conversation with my daughter the other day. She had called her grandmother (paternal side) to find out how she was doing after a medical procedure. While my daughter was talking to her, my ex-sister-in-law took the phone from her mother and asked if my daughter wanted to talk to 'Daddy'...this is the same daddy that molested my daughter when she was only 8 or 9. My daughter was puzzled as she knows that the molester is to have NO CONTACT at all with the minor children. She knew that someone could get into trouble so she said no and the ex's sister questioned her as to why. Well, my daughter, who is only 13, thought it best not to discuss the incident of sexual abuse with her, so she just told her that since her parents were divorced, it might be better if she didn't and that was the end of that.

I surmised that, since I am not on speaking terms with my ex's family, he probably never divulged to them what really happened ...of course,that is understandable. He was the apple of his momma's eye.

 After my daughter told me about the conversation, I started feeling frustrated. I WANTED his family to know the truth. Just sitting here writing to all of you right now, makes me angry about him. I want the truth out and I want him to know it's out AND I want to be believed! I have to keep reminding myself, God knows what he's done. I need to just move on. Yet it's SO difficult! God help me.

I don't know why I didn't see the red flags ....those signs that the father of my children, the man I had been married to was and is, a liar. He was known for his exaggerations. Well, maybe most people didn't realize it at the time but we did. The kids and I. He was also dishonest in many other ways. He would lie to people about doing something...like sending them money toward a debt he owed....but he never would. He was the most likely to go back on his promises. He wouldn't pay people, he would take and not return items, money....a lot of different things. Someone like my ex, who is a repeat offender becomes known for his character flaws yet when he went behind the pulpit and preached or cried, people would be charmed by him and forget his slights.

I'd like to be able to regurgitate all the poison inside of me. I'm often worried that my life with the cult-leader will always be etched into my brain.I pray that at some point, I can step away from all the bad memories and the anger. It reeks to me of  of rottenness...like the smell of road kill as you are driving nearby. It wafts by every now and then, corrupting the senses as it goes.

I hope and pray I can stop inhaling it's odor. 

Research....You Might Protect A Life

Profiling the Molester


Signs of Sexual Abuse


I Found This Information To Be Quite Interesting


Myths Vs. Facts


Promise Not To Tell-video

Get Help...Do Not Be Silent.

Christian Men Everywhere Should Read This

Christian Woman Haters


Church Exiters
                                                                                       

Renewal


For the Least Of These


Church Mafia


Elizabeth Esther

Stepford Wife Syndrome

I found a blog today written by a man who extraordinarily enough understood what some abusive churches do to the women in their congregation. It's a good article, please share it:

The Effects Of Spiritual Abuse On Women


Paula Hyles...Maybe 'old news' But Still Relative To The Mess In These Baptist Cults
Part II

David Hyles and family

     In my life, it was much the same...I was an accessory. The difference between myself and the Stepford's of the IFB was this: I wasn't raised within the IFB culture. For 26 years of my life, I wasn't taught what I had to believe except that my parents called our family 'Christian.' It was a facade though. Going to church was a holiday event mostly. There was no teaching going on so aside from agreeing that I believed in God, I really had no settled idea of what that was supposed to mean. I went into the whole IFB cultic view with eyes wide open and my mind was hungrily gobbling everything my pastor thought and taught. I had nothing to compare my teachings with, I believed!

Our pastor was not a megalomaniac as my ex-husband later became. He was basically a shy man but knew his Bible well and taught the IFB doctrines impressively. We didn't have a problem between wearing dresses or pants, it wasn't a big deal. I could still wear my Sunday best at church and not be criticized for jeans any other time.

It wasn't until a few years had passed and Mike was pastoring his own congregants that things got crazier and crazier. The rules would change every other week. Hair had to be long on women, short on men, no shorts on either sex ever, no pants on women, men had to dress conservatively, no jewelry on the guys. Later it evolved into not eating pork or shellfish, no work on Sunday and no going out until Sunday service was over.

Mike had developed a following....(I think he wanted to be as popular as Hyles) so he would mingle and sit with others after church during fellowship....I was alone feeling insignificant.I became disillusioned. There were a lot of single, divorced men in our congregation, Some were sex offenders or were living double lives. Those that were married had very one-sided relationships . Women were there to serve, whether it was sex or food it didn't matter. IFB wives were simply accessories to make the IFB husbands look good.  We were the faces of the family unit. It's a sick, twisted view of a godly relationship that was to be equal in love and repect toward each other. Somehow, it all became a lie!

RC Church Reveals Pedo Priests and Nuns



Child Porn Admittedly Shared By Ex Homeland Security











Pedos Want 'Rights'

Saville And Many Others Were Engaged In A Sick Sex Club Using Children As Young As Eight



Margaret Thatcher and Jimmie Saville

Brooklyn DA releases names of 46 convicted child sex offenders within Orthodox Jewish community

Brooklyn DA releases names of 46 convicted child sex offenders within Orthodox Jewish community

Resist The Devil And He Will Flee...

 As I have walked on my path to healing and rehabilitation, being open and unashamed seemed to be the best way to forgive myself and to continue getting stronger in the process. A lot of people questioned me about my relationship with 'Pastor' Slattery. Wasn't I unfaithful to him and that's why my kids were sent to my daughter's home to live for a year? No. Wasn't he driven to molestation due to my not fulfilling his needs as a wife? Again, NO!

Molesting children is a sick practice that has nothing to do with whether or not I was a good wife. It had nothing to do with my past relationship to my present husband. Anyone that thinks that needs to have their own head examined!

If there is any reason for what happened, it probably had more to do with the ex-Pastor's formative years, way before I ever laid eyes on him.

 There was, according to his own testimony, pornography around him as he was growing up, coupled with parents who didn't get along and a long history of unfaithfulness and alcoholism within the family. Something happened that twisted him enough that he acted out on these sick impulses toward his own kids. Unfortunately, I didn't see the signs.

(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. 
(Ephesians 5:9-12)

One of my daughters said to me the other day, "There isn't a day that I don't think about how abusive he (Slattery) could be." I know....me too. However it is getting easier for me to pass those hurdles. I have learned a lot about child molesters. I have learned to tell the difference between what is 'normal' and what is not. You see, with my background, it was truly hard for me to see those boundaries. I have to remember that and be glad for the progress I've made.

But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 
(Ephesians 5:13-16)

As far as being open and honest about the whole thing, well...I am quite a bit more circumspect in my day to day dealings. My daughters are all beautiful, young women and though I cannot any longer protect the older ones, I can do what I can with the ones living home. Because boundaries were not taught throughout their growing up years, I have to try and teach them what is ok and what is not. This can be a challenge as young teens can certainly be magnets to young men who are over the legal age, and to those who are creepy pedophiles that stare at their backsides when they walk.

                                                                                                            What works for me is to publicly call the pervert, the predator... out. Yes, it may seem undignified to some of you yet to me, some 40-ish creeper staring at my daughter like she's a tasty treat is much more disturbing! I am no longer afraid or embarrassed to draw attention to these perverts. Remember, PERVERTS is what they are! I have been known, on more than one occasion, to say something along the lines of," Hey, you must be a pervert...my kid is only__teen ! I see you checking her out! You must be a pedophile!"  It may not solve the problem forever but it nips it in the bud for a bit. Not even a pedo wants to be publicly embarrassed like that. My guess is, most people either ignore the guy or are fearful of facing him. I have seen that look of shock when I apprehend the demons.

The Bible has a verse that reminds me not to fear these pedophile devils, who have hearts filled with lust for a child,: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
(James 4:7)

That is what I aim to do.
                                                                                 

Update: More On Predatorial Pastors

Irish Baptist Pastor Abuses Girls


Little Games They Play


 International Sting Nets Quite A Large Assortment Of Perverts


School Leaves Children Unprotected


 

An Open Letter To Parents With Sexually Abused Children

Dear Parents,

I do not claim expertise on the subject of dealing with children who have been abused sexually, spiritually or emotionally. I would like to share with you my experiences in hope that it will help somehow in your situation.  There are several things that seem to be key in helping a child to get on with their lives after trauma:

1. It is of the utmost importance that you be PATIENT with your child. It may be that your son or daughter are simply not ready to disclose everything that happened right away. Give them time. This is especially true if the kids are older or were molested a long time ago and are just beginning to open up.
2. Be the someone that your kids can trust. Don't spread what they disclose to just anybody without talking to the injured party. Someone mentioned our incident to a staff member of a local restaraunt who had the audacity to walk up to my kids in the middle of ordering and ask them about their dad!
3. Realize that there is usually shame and a sense of false guilt involved with a child who has been abused. It's important to let them know, even if it's a million times over, they were not at fault. Responsibility should always rest on the shoulders of the adult offender.
4. Let your child grieve. Sometimes the best way to heal is to cry. Tears can be of benefit but tears can also mean depression and suicidal thoughts. Be there to soothe your child and make them feel loved and safe. NEVER IGNORE THEM WHILE THEY ARE GRIEVING. Sit with them, give them a hug but don't rush them. The worst that anyone can say in this situation is, "Stop crying! Get over it!"
5. Find help for the child and yourself. Abuse is a hard problem to deal with even if the abuser is long gone. It's good to have someone outside of the situation counsel your child and it's important to allow yourself to get help as well. Parenting a hurting child can be very stressful.
6. The last point I would like to make is-don't be judgemental! Allow dialogue to flow when your child is ready. Listen but don't interrupt. No matter how disgusted or upset you get at what your child confides in you, show them you are accepting of them as they are and will love them no matter what.

Pray for yourself, your child and even the offender-let God show you the way of truth, light and mercy. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing is too hard.

Show your child the unlimited love God has for His own by being a channel for that same love and kindness.

Yelena