A Belated Witness To A Tragic Loss Of Innocence

  There is a brokeness I feel as a mother because I was so terribly blinded to so many things. I know...it's not my fault, I didn't know all the dangers surrounding my children. I thought for so long that I was the 'good mother.' I thought that I was doing all the right things...but my failures to see objectively the problems that the IFB had caused and the lifestyle spawned from that ideology, well....what can I say except that hindsight is 20/20?

I was doing alright. I managed to move through the days still rebuilding, still struggling BUT moving forward...even if ever so slowly. At times, I almost feel like a 'normal' person and can enjoy who I am. Then, there are those times when a past problem catches up to you and you are barraged with memories and feelings of guilt and confusion. All of the sudden, the candle is blown out and you feel like you are groping in the dark once again.

This happened to me today.

I spoke with someone that was very close to me today. I won't say who as she may be embarrassed or offended that I would write about this conversation. I don't know if she will ever read this blog, yet I want to insure her privacy.

This young woman started recounting her first time as a molestation victim. She was only about 12.

I listened earnestly, trying to understand how it is that grown men can be so sick...so wicked.

The young woman discussed how this awful situation ended up lasting a very long time....maybe 2 years? How she was introduced to alcohol and drugs and very soon learned to numb herself so as to be able to cope with her nightmares day to day.

Her parents had no idea what was causing the changes in her personality. Her mother knew something was wrong...but what?
No one would say anything...there was a sense of estrangement but no details ...no confrontations.

Years had passed and the woman always searched for the father figure she lacked in her own life. The romantic interests in her life were all older men...much older. Her father you see, was also leading a double life it seemed and she couldn't talk to him.

The father of this girl spent many hours away from home. When he was home, he ignored her and she soon felt as if she were nothing. Her greatest fear was that if he found out what had been going on, she would be blamed and called a whore or a slut.

I cringed with each moment recounted because I knew that healing had to begin by her purging the poison and having a witness to that purge. I was that witness and I felt both saddened and hopeful . Hopeful because I rejoiced in this young woman's ability to confront her demons, yet sad that her mother was not able to see the dangers engulfing her young daughter's life. The mother might have been able to save her from the torment she went through if she could have only KNOWN!

I was remembering how hard it was for me as my children were growing up. I was doing all the work as the babies kept coming. I busied myself so much that I didn't see the dangers lurking in my own household. Before I knew it, it was too late and the corruption in the household had taken hold .

It took an act of God to get me to finally just to begin to see!
That is why I have not lost my faith in the Lord.
I sometimes feel like Joseph...sold into slavery yet being led carefully to a powerful position . He made a difference!

I pray I can do the same.