Reopening A Wound

It's been three years approximately since my children and I have been reunited. We've been through many changes. It has been a difficult time but also a time of learning and improvements. I would like to say that we are all doing well and that the past is in the past, yet I cannot. Every now and then, something happens: a thought is shared, a tear is shed and you realize that there is still sensitivity in the old wound and it has yet to heal all the way.

After a long, tiring day, my youngest came to me and began sobbing .She was missing her father. She cannot understand why he was as abusive as he was. At this point my mind always goes to the questions,"Is she feeling guilty for telling the truth? Is she unhappy eventhough things are so much better now? How do I erase the pain?"

I try to console her, I try to remind her that it was NEVER her fault that her daddy hurt her. She says she knows but wishes she could talk to him just once...

The whole incident involving child sexual abuses, emotional abuses and spiritual has clearly shook us to the core. If it almost broke me, how much more did it affect this child?  She remembers images of her hand being removed by a policeman from her father's grasp and being led away from her home as she waited for me to come back from work. She was placed in a van with her other minor siblings and taken away in the unmarked vehicle to an unfamiliar place .

I wasn't there to see her go. I still feel like crying when I think back on that awful day My life was flipped upside down and I realized then that it would never be the same again. 

As an adult who has weathered the storm, I can see how it has all worked out for good. I can actively work on setting the trauma aside and learning to be my own person with a new life. To a child, a child like my daughter, the memories persist. 

My youngest goes to counseling. I try to be there for her physically as well as an emotional support, but I wonder if the pain will ever cease? I wonder if in 5 years when she turns of age, if she will rush to her Dad eventhough it was because of him that she was removed.

 Time will tell.

Sometimes just to be heard when you cry out is enough. I pray that will be true for my daughter.

Until then, I will try to be understanding and loving and remind her....it wasn't her fault.