Thoughts On My Relationship With God

You know...I feel as if the wolves in Pastor's clothing, have done a spectacular job turning people away from God. I go to a lot of websites to research the latest complaints. I also check out the latest information about recovery for people like myself: those who have been hurt and victimized by cults and their leaders.  I feel saddened when I hear of those who have decided to give up on God because of their pain. It's as if the wolves have won.

Ok-so you were vulnerable. You believed the man instead of hanging on to the faith that once drew you. I know what that feels like. Instead of thinking critically for yourself, you allowed someone to tell you what to think, what to believe. Now, you're angry and bitter and want to do away with the very idea of a 'god' because you feel so extraordinarily let-down that you feel ill in the pit of your stomach when the subject enters your mind.

Some of us had that happen right away....some of us deal with those feelings as the days pass. Either way, the whole idea of worship service, hymns and especially the preaching from the pulpit, hits you like a stone to the head and you just want to run the other way.

Feelings are feelings, but it is how you act upon them that makes a difference.
I have had to separate my dislike for certain church rituals from the message of the Gospel that I try to read on a daily basis.

Now, I'm not putting anyone down for feeling anti-religious. I am not fond of religious institutions. I do though have a love for what I consider to be God's Word (Holy Bible) and I still try to pray and keep a running dialogue with my Lord.

The problem I am having now, is that the more I research the wolves, the more I disdain their acts of abuse, the less I trust any so-called, 'man of God'. Due to my coming out from under the oppressive hand of megalomania, I DO get that sick, cold feeling in the pit of my stomach when I hear a man preach-it doesn't even matter if it's a sermon I would agree with.  The thought of going to a church seems somewhat traumatizing and making 'Christian' friends seems like too much of a gamble for me.

The one thing I can count on is my trusty bible. I can read it, understand it and pray about what it says. I can talk to my Lord and know he hears because he answers so many of my prayers. Sometimes, like Elijah, distraught and exhausted, it's enough to sit by the brook and allow Him to nourish me until I regain my strength to run.


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